So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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