And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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