Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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