Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
