I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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