sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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