i wish peter jackson would direct porn
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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