Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
