Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
