Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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