smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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