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• (818): View more from California

  So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.

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