oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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