After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
