I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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