Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
