there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
True but thats because hes a fetus.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
