Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
