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definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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