she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
