My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
