Only a mothe r could love this liver
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
