never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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