so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
