she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
