Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
