omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
