the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
