I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
