I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
