my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
