I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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