Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
