After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dicks are not precious.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
