Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
