But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
