I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
