i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
