you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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