i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
