Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
