i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
