I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
