they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
