I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
