I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
