theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
