so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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