I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
