Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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