I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
