can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
